Exploring Success Beyond Fear and Trauma with Smita Joshi Episode 153

What if paradigm shifts could be your personal catalyst for growth and transformation? Would you dare to embrace them? In a stimulating conversation with international best-selling author, Smita Joshi, we traverse the terrain of paradigm shifts and personal transformation, examining how these elements intersect with trust, vision, and overcoming trauma.

Smita weaves personal narratives and professional insights from her experience of integrating Indian IT into the mainstream UK market. We share the concept of life's nudges, both gentle and drastic, and how these push us to evolve. Equipped with strategies on transcending past limitations and shifting paradigms, we venture into the territory of overcoming individual fears and traumas. The need to trust, to feel excited about visions not yet realized, and to recognize our own blind spots forms the backbone of our discussion.

In the final segment of our talk, my co-host, Smita, and I examine the art of designing life to bring out the best within us. We delve into the realm of mindfulness, moving beyond conditioned dialogues, and create a vision that propels us towards our higher possibilities. Tune in for an enlightening journey, armed with tangible lessons on personal growth and self-transformation. Together, we find out how to navigate life's paths with more joy, freedom, and abandon, and avoid getting caught up in life's drama. Embark on this journey with us and chart your own path to personal growth and transformation.

You can see more of her content on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@smitajoshi

or on her website at https://www.smitajoshi.com

Chapters

• 0:14 Paradigm Shifts and Personal Transformation
• 10:27 Exploring Growth and Overcoming Trauma
• 24:38 Recognizing Internal Dialogue and Shifting Paradigms
• 36:22 Designing Your Best Life With Todd and Smita

Transcript

Todd: 0:14

Music. Welcome to Todd Talks, where I help you design your best life Not the life I designed for you, but the life you desire. Today I have an international best-selling author, a 25-year veteran of the corporate arena and a spectacular speaker and author influencer, smita Joshi. Thank you for being on the show today. Can you introduce yourself, give a little bit about your background and then we'll jump into the hard questions that I told you we'll be asking today.

Smita: 0:59

Sure Thanks, Hi Todd. How are you doing?

Todd: 1:03

I'm doing great, thank you.

Smita: 1:06

Yeah, a little bit about myself. My background. Well, I was born in India. I was born on the northwestern coast of India. It's a little town called Porvinder. It's well known for one particular individual in history and that's Mahatma Gandhi. He came, his family, he were all from Porvinder, as are my mother's side of the family and I think they were there. His family were there for like some 200 years a solid pedigree there, and my maternal grandfather and his lineage. They came from the same town.

Smita: 1:47

And so I came to London when I was 10, and since then it's been an absolute nonstop adventure. So, as you mentioned, I started working very early in corporations, at the age of 20, 21. And that lasted for around 25 years, where I for the last 15 years was in IT and I played a role in bringing Indian IT into the mainstream in the UK. So only two companies when I started. One of them was a very large, well-known company and the other was a small entrepreneurial company that I became a part of and we created. We sort of shifted the paradigm, as it were, as to what it means.

Smita: 2:33

What is India? You know, it was not a thing before and then it became a thing. So people always associated those in West India with poverty and all kinds of things that gave the image of India, you know, of being poor. And so it took something to shift the paradigm and how people perceived India and its intellectual capacity and so on, and so that was a real adventure and journey and I'm really proud that I was one of the first people in fact one of the very few people who played a role in making Indian IT and India in technology and bringing that into the mainstream of corporations across the world.

Todd: 3:21

Well, when a corporation or when a group wants to make a major shift, like you said, shift the paradigm, what does that entail? How difficult is that?

Smita: 3:36

So the difficulty is, I would say, extreme, in the sense that there isn't a precedent for how you speak something, how you bring it into existence, you know. So there is not a language, there's not a terminology. The way in which things are done needs to be explained. That too is a new way of working. So, for example, when we were doing work remotely, you know we were using satellite lanes, we were using all kinds of technology to be able to connect a client, let's say, based in the UK or America, to India. And you know, that in itself in the early days was a mind shift for people to understand that, because then nothing else was being done in that way, whereas today IT, wherever you are in the world, I mean IT has just done that way. Now that's become so normal that IT everywhere is being done like that. It's not just for offshore projects.

Smita: 4:39

So the challenge was in languaging it, the challenge was in creating credibility for it, because in many cases in the beginning certainly, we didn't have a track record and we didn't have evidence that these things work other than on a smaller scale. So bringing that into existence required building relationships with the client, working a lot on trust to begin with and, you know, being given the opportunity. So it's one thing to create inspiration and a new vision, but it's quite another than for a CEO or a well, they were not called CEOs in those days. We never had the idea of a CIO, you know a chief information officer, who didn't exist, or a CTO. But those people that were making those decisions in those days, you know for them to put their neck on the line, you know, for something that hadn't yet emerged as a thing.

Smita: 5:37

So, yes, it was really, it was a challenge. But every time you're shifting a paradigm for anything, it's always a challenge. Until it's been, you know, until it becomes the norm, the norm norm. So it's a disruptor, you know it's a disruptor model, oh yeah.

Todd: 5:53

Paradigm shifts always disrupt, but a lot of times I've found that if you now I'm speaking more internally, more on a personal level when you shift your own paradigms, yes it disrupts, but it actually can help you advance and make changes that you wouldn't otherwise do in your life. And like I'm going personally, I'm going through a new paradigm shift right now. I just retired from the military and so

Smita: 6:29

Congratulations. That must be super exciting, it is it just had, literally three hours ago.

Todd: 6:41

So this is exciting, and that's the cool thing about shifting your paradigm is you can take an entirely new track from where you the track that you were on. But would you agree with me that it requires you to think differently to have success in the new paradigm?

Smita: 7:02

It really calls you to believe in something that isn't there. So you have to see that possibility for yourself as real, like it's already a done deal. You have to see that. If you don't see it that way, then you can't speak with conviction and you can't have that excitement that your vision enables you to have, because it's that excitement that is infectious for others and they want a piece of that. That's what they buy into. They buy into that excitement, they buy into that possibility, they buy into that vision and of course that you have to make sure that you've got things to back you up to deliver on that. But if you are a forerunner in something, you need to see what you're bringing forward as being as workable.

Todd: 7:54

Right.

Smita: 7:56

And that's what causes the excitement, that's what gives you that drive, that dynamism, that thrust forward to put it into words and to share it in a way which others can then join you in seeing that vision with you.

Todd: 8:15

Well, where do you believe that vision comes from? Because a lot of times, a lot of us, a lot of people are not entrepreneurial minded. They're not thinking of the next thing, the next phase. They really just want to get through the day, but then they get that urge to do something. They want to grow, they want to improve, they want to change. Where does that vision come from To push someone from there? Well, I'd like to do something to actually see and take a new path.

Smita: 8:56

That's an interesting question because it comes. There are two. So one doesn't need to be entrepreneurial to want to make the kind of change that you were talking about. That's a human, that's isn't that, isn't it right? That's a human thing that people often want to do. Now there are people that don't want change. They're quite happy with even if things are not working in their life. They're comfortable where they are and that's enough for them. But in an entrepreneurial sense that's a very special place.

Smita: 9:27

I think an entrepreneur is a very different individual, who for whom it's almost like breathing, that they must, they have, they see some potential, they see a possibility and for them that's just what they're living for, that's their life, that's what they give their life to and there is no other alternative for them. It's not like they have an option. So if they could go and get a corporate job or they could work somewhere else, they choose not to do that, right? So that's a particular breed of individual and I wouldn't necessarily want to put that person in the same bracket as somebody who wants to cause personal growth or personal transformation. That vision, I think for somebody to want to do something that they don't know, that calls them, as it were, into being a higher version of themselves. That, I think, is a different place where the impetus comes from. So sometimes people are stimulated to do something like that or woken up to do something like that because someone died, someone close to them died, and their life changed, or because they went through a divorce, or because some other major life event took place and they realized that, where things are happening for them, who they've been being in life has brought them to where they are today and they see suddenly the possibility of a different version of themselves and they want to step into that.

Smita: 11:04

So, in either case, if you're listening to what life is bringing you, either as an entrepreneur or as a human being, there is always a little voice in the background that is inviting you, that is giving you little nudges, and sometimes those nudges become more like shelves, and sometimes those shelves become more like a push.

Smita: 11:33

So, for example, that would be a push would be where somebody loses their limbs, or they lose, they become paralyzed temporarily, or something happens that is such a major physical thing in their life or a mental thing which forces them to consider other possibilities of existence, and that then drives them there. So I think. In either case, you're in a voice, that little voice that comes from the you that the ancients of India called Atman, that consciousness, the wise, conscious part of you that exists beyond your everyday awareness, beyond your conditioning, beyond the you that you know yourself to be as the identity that you are, that which has not been tainted by past, by the past or by any kind of conditioning, that which is changeless but is whole and complete in and of itself, and that has the answers. That's the place, that intuition, that flow, that genius, whatever you're tapping into can come from.

Todd: 12:41

And I believe that you have two options. When you start to hear that, you have the option to listen to it and act on it, or to try to push it down and push it away, which a lot of people do, is they get that intuition, that push to do something, and they say, no, I'm too busy, not right now, and it becomes harder and harder and harder to hear it. But then when they do act on it, when they do listen to it and take steps to move forward, they start to get more of that intuition, the flow becomes deeper and wider and they get a stronger sense of what they're supposed to be doing. Would you agree with that?

Smita: 13:32

Definitely. I think that is a fear, is a huge factor, and the fear of the unknown, not knowing how to get there, not knowing how to support yourself while you're getting there, and so on. There are so many considerations the financial consideration, then the psychological barriers that we have and where somebody might be generally courageous or brave in one area of their life, they may not necessarily be so in another area of their life. I mean, you as a military man will know that you could have somebody who is so like a proper warrior, like a proper ninja on the battlefield or in their area of work, and if they come to their personal life, then they don't have the same faculties. They don't have the same capacities. So I think I can completely understand where people are stopped and also that's where that's also part and parcel of the challenges that we are confronted with.

Smita: 14:44

Often in life. We are confronted with those challenges that are in and of themselves not easy for us as individuals. For you it may be one thing, for me it may be some other thing. So life won't give you, give me the same challenges. You will find easy to tackle. That I might find easy to tackle. It'll give me the. Why it's a challenge is because there's obviously something in it that is beyond my scope right now. That takes me, calls me to go beyond my comfort zone, and and that's that's where the hesitation for most people will come, or all of us will come, I guess.

Todd: 15:26

And yet, as I was telling my son yesterday, success is to be found when you push out of your comfort zone, because in your comfort zone you're happy, you're comfortable, but you're not moving forward. And if you're trying to have success, you really have to push those boundaries of that, that comfort zone to to grow.

Smita: 15:55

Definitely true. But don't you think that everybody doesn't necessarily have success as a core value? Success is not a value for everybody?

Todd: 16:05

Well, it's just this can be none. I'm not talking just about business or success like financial success. When I say success, what I'm really talking about is success in whatever area of their life that they want to grow in, whether it's success in their relationship with their spouse, success with their kids, success. I'm so. I'm using the word success, but I'm referring to an area of growth, whether it's personal or financial or whatever. That's. That's what I mean when I'm saying success.

Smita: 16:44

No, I'm completely on on the same page as you when we talk about success. I know exactly what you, what you mean. I would say. I'd still found, though, that and you're right, you know growth happens in your comfort, outside your comfort zone, for absolutely for sure. And new skills, new wiring in the brain, new habits, you know, new perspectives drive new habits, and these things all only happen in that space. That is beyond what you know for sure, and that's why so hard for people I also I'm just just sort of adding to that is that you know where, where people who won't step into that zone are people that have somehow told themselves that where I am is enough, this is, this, is all fine for me.

Smita: 17:37

You know, these are my boundaries, this is where I stay, and I also just want to, you know, validate that in a sense, that you know where people are in that space. Something wrong with that per se. There's a lesson, wherever you are. So if you choose to stay in a relationship that is really unhealthy, that is painful, that is not giving you the joy and the growth and the expansion and the and the respect and the value that you deserve to receive, then probably that's because there's some more learning for you to get by being in that space. Perhaps I mean that's just another perspective.

Todd: 18:23

I agree with that and I also think that another reason that some people choose not to push or to grow, that they choose to just remain in that safe comfort zone, is because of possible possibly being stuck in the past, in past traumas that they've gone through, so that they're not willing to put themselves out there. They're like I'm happy where, I'm, fine where I'm at, because it's not as bad as it was and I don't know what the future could hold and that could be scary.

Smita: 19:00

So so that, absolutely, you've just hit the nail on the head that you know when you often what happens. The word you use is trauma. Often, when people are traumatized by aspects of their past it's not so extreme, such as, you know, physical abuse or sexual abuse or harassment or any of those types of things which are kind of obvious, right, sometimes it's. People are not even aware that they are living inside a traumatized mind and this is where people can say, oh, yeah, but that's not for me, or you know, this is who I am, this is what my life is about. And what they don't realize is that if you're not growing, if your life is kept in a tiny little box, you know, from morning to evening, from one year to the next, to the next, the chances are that you are at the effect of some sort of trauma and you don't even know it.

Todd: 20:10

Yep, 100% agree with that. And it's not harsh trauma, it's very much. Could be something so simple. As you know, your parent put you down when you were a child in such a way that they didn't even mean to, but it hurt your feelings and you've held onto that without realizing it, and so you keep yourself in this box that your parents put you in without realizing it, and that's the trauma. People have those kinds of things within them that they don't even know that they have.

Smita: 20:49

I totally, totally agree with you. So what happens is that often the kind of trauma that keeps people very much constrained inside a certain environment with a certain sort of life, that has to stay where they are, although they will still grow inside of that, but there is, it's. So how can I say? I would say there is so much within very strong walls, boundaries.

Smita: 21:20

Often it's because the kind of trauma that they're living inside of is a drip, drip, drip effect of conditioning, of being in a sense brainwashed by other people's points of view, expectations, opinions, and it's so subtle Like, for example, a parent will continually put somebody else down, you know, for a way of being and for how they dress or how they live their life. And that's telling the child that is not what my parent approves of, so I must not do those things. And so you know they stay with, and yet perhaps their growth may be exactly doing those things. So you know, the conditioning can sometimes take place over many, many, many years and it's not per se abuse, it's toxic, but it's not abusive per se and it contaminates, it completely, colors the recipient's mind and their view of life to the extent where they dare not go outside the bounds of what they consider to be acceptable.

Todd: 22:43

Amen, absolutely, absolutely. That is spot on, because you see it time and time again. My favorite story about that is when Les Brown always tells the story of when he was in high school and up to that point he had been labeled by somebody when he was young, developmentally disabled. So he was always known as the dumb twin. He was a twin and he was the dumb twin because they said he was developmentally disabled would never amount to anything. And finally in high school a teacher calls him up to the board and asks him to do the math problem and he's like I can't do that, sir, I'm the dumb twin. And the teacher got on to him and was like don't ever let anybody label you and don't you accept the label that anybody else gives you.

Todd: 23:45

And since then, I mean, he's gone on to working government. He's been a motivational speaker for millions upon millions of people. But until that moment he thought of himself as the dumb twin and that was the box that he was in and that was his world. That's where he stayed. He didn't try to venture out of it until that teacher pushed him outside the box of the comfort zone, said uh-uh, look out here, you're much better, much more than you think you are, and this is interesting Just one person and one incident was enough to give him what he needed to shift his entire paradigm of life and himself actually.

Todd: 24:38

Yeah, and so I think, when we are interacting with others, I find it very off, very important for myself especially, to think about how am I interacting with others, and am I letting things that they say or do affect who I want to be or who I am? And if I am, why? And if I am, why and I think that's an important question why am I letting something that somebody else is saying or doing affect who I am?

Smita: 25:20

Exactly so. You know, todd, the awareness that you share there is what allows you that you've developed enough self-awareness and mental muscle that enables you to question something like that, right, when somebody is saying something about you, for you to then ask the question why am I allowing that to happen? Why am I believing that person? Why am I not believing myself in myself? You know my vision of myself and this is exactly what forms our internal noise. You know the mind-monkey noise that we have are in a critic and so on, these voices of other people, but often it's easy, when somebody puts you down, to identify that okay, they put me down.

Smita: 26:11

But very often it's not done that directly and I believe and I've seen as a coach over the last 20 years that I, what I've seen over the last 20 years, is that very often the internal dialogue that drives our limited behaviour in life and choices Is shaped not always by the obvious conversations or dialogues or a person putting us down.

Smita: 26:40

It's very often shaped by those things that are not about us directly but that are a criticism of others that we then say, oh, but this is not.

Smita: 26:55

Therefore, we know what is disapproved of right, so we try to fit inside the box of what is.

Smita: 27:02

Who can I be that others can approve of in my community, whatever that community may be, whether it's your parents, whether it's an immediate family or an extended community of some other sort. So so I think that's the bigger danger that we don't ever get to tackle, because with that type of an internal dialogue, it gets to be in our blind spot, it hides out, it lurks in our blind spot. It's the conditioning that we have from cultures and our environment, you know, which we pick up on in very subtle ways, and that's that's a more dangerous internal dialogue to have, because it's not obvious and we often don't know where it came from, and so, and yet it's in our blind spot and it and it's so driving the conversation, driving what we consider possible and not possible, not always about, like, what's possible for me and what's not possible for me, but how much can I do or achieve, or how much can I be I'm allowed to be, so that I am acceptable to others around me.

Todd: 28:15

So the obvious question here is how does someone that has that as a blind spot, which most of us do, learn to recognize the blind spot and then shift their paradigm?

Smita: 28:33

So you know, I've been thinking a lot about this question and if you look at my books, the books are really all about actually picking the big themes and getting complete with those, seeing the source of where they came from. Sometimes it took me back into into times beyond this life and but that's a whole other conversation and and some, you know, going back into the past. But then I discovered that actually there comes a point in the, in the journey of transformation, where you know I got fed up of looking at at where does it come from? Why is it there? Where you know whatever. Eventually, now where I'm at is I realized that actually the past is what it is. I can, I can deal with some, some important aspects of it and get get closure with that.

Smita: 29:25

And I really want to make profound shifts, not incremental, like step changes, but like a sea change, like is absolute transformation. So there's a state shift in who I am. Then the only way to do that is to create or ask your higher self, ask the inner being to, to guide you to a vision of you in your highest possible state in this life. Who can you be? That would be the most inspired, the most you know joyful, the most productive, the most engaged with life, in love with life, you know Zest for life, whatever it is your thing, and then have that vision. I mean meditation, journaling, all these are accesses to sitting with that and then just making space in your mind, calming your mind down enough to be able to receive okay, to receive those images, to receive that true guidance which comes from the mind, beyond your conditioned mind, and you'd be amazed at how these things can manifest as actual like.

Smita: 30:43

I have seen it like a movie, you know, a movie. I mean I had that happen in the area of my relationship with my now who's now my husband Before I met him, some 10 years before I met him. I had this vision because I asked the question, I was in a relationship and I realized that, you know, I was simply unwilling to be in a relationship which was just bogged down in drama, which was where my, the guy I was with, whoever the guy was tended to be, would find my strength and my power at one level really exciting and inspiring, and then, on the other hand, be very insecure. That would just trigger insecurities, you know, and I, for me, that was just red flags all over and I and at that point I asked the question, you know because all that does is it creates drama, it creates emotional pain and it creates drama in your life, and I was no longer willing to be in a Bollywood movie of my own making, you know, melodramatic to the, at the least So-.

Todd: 31:54

You're dancing right though.

Smita: 31:56

There was enough dancing in it, but without necessarily the joy I would have liked, right? So do you know what I mean? That freedom, the abandon that I see is possible in my life. So so I asked the question and I wrote down a bunch of stuff, and I asked the question and, oh my God, I was shocked. I was shocked at what I saw. What I saw was this vision of what's possible between me and a partner, my partner, in sacred union. And I saw that that was the word, the two words I was given sacred union.

Smita: 32:31

Some would be so onto me, someone who's so on my level, somebody who gets who I am to the extent that they're more excited about who I am than I am, and that is true. They really find that inspiring rather than debilitating in some insecure way or whatever, and likewise and the other way round. So there's a whole bunch of things that I craved, that I craved in that sacred union, and what I have today is a marriage that's just about to be 16 years next month, in a relationship that is beyond even what I imagined, what I was shown at that time and what my little mind could actually imagine of its own accord. So I think that if you truly wanna have, like a massive transformation in an area, you need to have a vision which is a future, from the future of yourself, or of that relationship, or of whatever it is area of your life that you're looking at, and to get that vision tap into that higher consciousness that is just available and absolutely talking to at all times. Just learning to stop for a little while, calm the mind down, let the ego subside a little bit.

Smita: 33:52

Calm the ego down, say, listen, we're gonna get even a better life than what we have right now. So it's a good idea to not be afraid of what's being shown. You will have a role to play, my lovely little ego, in this whole unfolding, and it will be a much more productive, much more effective one, a more joyous one than the one that you've ever known. And so we need to bring the ego along with us, because we need the ego to take the action. We need the ego. Ego's a good thing, it's not a bad thing. It's just that we need it to be, not to be, the master.

Todd: 34:31

We need to train it.

Smita: 34:33

Need to train it and let it know that the master is the higher consciousness and not the lower consciousness, which is the ego.

Todd: 34:42

Yeah, so I love that and I think that's a good place to ask you if someone did wanna learn more. You mentioned your books. How can someone get your books? What are your books and how can someone reach out to you if they wanna learn more about what you do?

Smita: 35:03

So the books are called the Karma and Diamonds Trilogy. There's book one, book two, book three, and they're on Amazon. They're on Amazon as paperbacks, as audiobooks on Audible and they're also in e-book format. I can be reached through my website, smithajoshicom, and also, if you wanna check out my vibe over and above this podcast, check into my YouTube channel, which is the Self-Discovery channel, smithajoshi, and you'll get a sense of the kind of content that I bring forth, and there's a lot more besides that. There's blogs on Medium and Substack. Join my newsletter on my website. You can download some free gifts as well and agree to receive newsletters, and that's another way of tapping into some of myself and as a coach. Obviously, reach out to me if you'd like to work with me, then we can have a conversation.

Todd: 36:07

Perfect, beautiful. I will have the link to your YouTube and to your website down below in the show notes, but thank you so much for your time and for sharing your wisdom with us today.

Smita: 36:22

Thank you so much for having me on your show, todd. Really really a pleasure to have this conversation with you.

Todd: 36:28

Well, as I always say, I've really enjoyed having you on the show. And, as I always say to everyone, have a blessed day. This has been Todd Joplin, where I help you design your best life Not the life I design, but the life you desire. Take what you learned from Smita today and apply it to your life. I know you can find the vision that will guide you to your higher self and to your higher possibilities than you can even imagine right now. And, as always, have a blessed day.

Smita: 37:05

Thank you so much, thank you.