Mercy Vs Tolerance: Why Mercy Demands Truth and Change

Mercy is often expressed like it means “accept everything,” and tolerance gets sold like it means “approve of everything.” That confusion sounds harmless until you try to lead a family, keep covenants, or make a hard call with your conscience awake. I’m drawing a clean line between mercy and tolerance, then pushing deeper into what Christ actually models: love that tells the truth, protects agency, and still invites real change.

We start with a gospel definition of mercy rooted in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and Alma 42: mercy cannot rob justice, but it can claim the penitent. From there, we define tolerance as a social tool for peaceful coexistence, not a saving principle. I also call out the cultural bait-and-switch where tolerance becomes moral relativism and silence about sin, and why that drift quietly numbs spiritual discernment. If you’ve felt trapped between saying nothing and saying it harshly, you’ll recognize the tension immediately.

Then we name three counterfeits that wreck relationships and discipleship: tolerance without truth, truth without mercy, and mercy without change. Using practical examples, an aviation analogy, and case studies from scripture, I show how Christ calibrates His approach to the person in front of Him. The real skill isn’t memorizing a rule, it’s receiving real-time revelation through the Holy Ghost.

I close with five concrete ways to strengthen personal revelation and apply Christlike mercy with better timing, better delivery, and more courage. Subscribe for more, share this with a friend who’s stuck “on the fence,” and if it helps you, leave a review so more people can find it.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

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It's a beautiful day for a discussion, isn't it? Thank you for being here and welcome back to Todd Talk Spirit by Design. This is where I help you build your abilities to receive spiritual promptings and act on them as this world dissolves into chaos. I found that I really, I've really been interested in talking about things in the news that don't get enough coverage or are not explained well enough. But I have a gospel message that we can learn. In the last few years, we've heard so much about tolerance. And usually those screaming about tolerance are the most intolerant people on the planet. We've also heard talk about mercy for those poor souls claiming asylum, many of whom go on to commit acts of violence or terror. Mercy and tolerance. What are they? What do they really mean? Why should you care? Why should you learn about them? And finally, what can you use from this knowledge to improve your spiritual life today? Not next week, today. That's the emphasis on today's podcast. Thanks for joining me. I always like it when you're here. Mercy. We're gonna start there. What is it? What does Christ mean when he speaks about it? Mercy is love plus truth and redemption. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, mercy is an attribute of God. It is not passive acceptance of whatever someone is doing, it is active covenantal love that seeks to save people from their sins and transgressions. The ultimate example of this, of course, is the atonement. We're at Easter, where we we just had Easter, where we are focused on the atonement of Jesus Christ, right? That's where mercy overcomes the bands of justice. Mercy claimeth the penitent, and mercy cometh because of the atonement, and the atonement bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead, and the resurrection of the dead bringeth back men into the presence of God, and thus they are restored into his presence to be judged according to their works, according to the law and justice. For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own. And thus none but the truly penitent are saved. That's Alma 42, 23 and 24. You see in these verses that mercy cannot rob justice, but mercy can claim the penitent and satisfy justice. What that means is that mercy acknowledges that sin is real. It doesn't excuse wrongdoing, it offers forgiveness through repentance and invites transformation, not justification for wrongs. Too many people want justice to be ignored and don't even acknowledge sin anymore. They speak of tolerance, which I will get to, as if it were mercy. It couldn't be further from the truth. Elder Dal N. H. Oaks taught God's love is so perfect that he lovingly requires us to obey his commandments because he knows that only through obedience can we become perfect as he is. In other words, mercy doesn't lower the standard, it helps you to rise to it. Mercy and tolerance are similar but different. If mercy is found through repentance and the atonement, tolerance is allowing agency without endorsing behavior. Tolerance is a social principle used to help societies coexist. It is not a saving ordinance. It means respecting others' agency, allowing others to choose even wrongly, and coexisting peacefully. Tolerance does not require agreement or approval. That is a key distinction. President Russell and Nelson warned about confusing these ideas. He said we can show respect for others without condoning their beliefs or actions that are contrary to God's laws. The critical difference between the two is mercy says, I love you, and because I love you, I will help you come unto Christ and change. Tolerance says, I will not interfere in your choices, even if I believe they are wrong. What we see in the news media and in the world is a violent distortion of tolerance, where those that claim to be tolerant of all lifestyles are completely intolerant of a Christian conservative one. Here's where the world gets it wrong. Modern culture redefines tolerance as an approval of all lifestyles, silence about sin, and moral relativism, which means that there really isn't anything wrong or sinful. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland pushed back on this idea saying, love must be accompanied by truth, otherwise, it is not love at all. Tolerance without truth becomes moral indifference, turning a blind eye to sin and wrongdoing. Mercy without truth becomes false compassion. Jesus demonstrated a perfect balance between mercy and truth. In John 8, there is a story of a woman taken in adultery. He showed mercy by not condemning her and admonishing her to go and sin no more. He didn't excuse the sin, he confronted the sin, protected the person, and invited change. That is a divine pattern that we can follow. In aviation, tolerance is like general aviation. It still has rules, but you can pretty much fly anywhere you want within reason. And you don't really have to talk to anyone. Mercy is like air traffic control, explaining that you're off course and to come to heading 355 to get back on course. There was a prophetic warning from Elder Neil A. Maxwell that cautioned the doctrine of tolerance can be stretched so far that it becomes indifference to sin. And that is an actual danger. When tolerance replaces mercy, we stop inviting or helping people to change, and ultimately we stop helping them to come unto Christ. Not only that, but it affects our spirit because as we show an indifference to sin, we become numb to the spirit which is trying to protect us and tell us right from wrong. At a deeper level, this isn't just about behavior, it's about the nature of God and the whole purpose behind mortality. Morality, not mortality, sorry. Our founding fathers said that our constitution is only compatible with a moral people and provides a solid government if we can keep it. In Latter-day Saint teachings, we learn agency is eternal, given to us by God, our Heavenly Father, as one of the main reasons to come to earth. Truth is absolute, growth requires opposition, and exaltation requires change. That means that God cannot simply tolerate us into becoming like him, he must extend mercy that transforms us. Elder Dietog Christopherson taught, God will not make a not act to make us something we do not choose to become. In fact, we believe he will be begging us to stay with him and desire to change, and many will not. Mercy is not passive kindness, it is divine intervention aligned with eternal law. As we dig deeper into these two subjects, mercy and tolerance, we find that there are three counterfeits that Satan uses to distort both. First, tolerance without truth, otherwise known as moral relativism. You might have heard phrases like, Who am I to judge? Live your truth. All paths are equal. The problem is that moral relativism abandons the very idea of sin. That would make the atonement, the most important thing to have happened on earth, irrelevant. President Russell M. Nelson warned that truth is truth. It is not negotiable. This is important because if nothing is wrong or sinful, then nothing needed to be redeemed. And if nothing needed redemption, then Christ is reduced from a savior to just a symbol. And that is one thing Satan would love to happen. Second, truth without mercy becomes a pharisiacal judgment. This sounds like they're wrong, and that's all that matters. Or standards are standards. Or they made their choice, now they can live with it. Those statements and mentality leave no room for repentance and mercy. The thing is, we can always change. The Lord wants you to change and to repent. If you haven't done it before, start today. For me, it's a daily requirement. I have got to repent daily. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. Truth without mercy condemns. Mercy is based on the opportunity to repent and be redeemed. Third, mercy without change is just cheap grace. This one is subtle and extremely common. It is statements like God loves you just as you are, no need to change, you're fine, just be happy. You do you, Boo. This sounds like you're accepting and merciful towards someone, but it's just tolerance in disguise of grace. Mercy allows repentance, covenants, and transformation. As Elder David A. Bednar taught, the atonement is not merely about removing bad things, it is about enabling us to become good. People don't always understand Jesus' role in modeling all of this to us. He never drifted into any of these extremes. He ate with sinners and was tolerant of their presence, but he never condoned their actions. He forgave sinners, showing mercy and compassion, and then he commanded change, exercising truth with his authority. He wasn't on some high and lofty perch. He didn't get off on a high horse as the Pharisees and Sadducees. He was perfectly approachable by all men, but was never morally ambiguous. He spoke truth, and his mercy engendered or engineered change. So going back to my flying analogies. Imagine you're flying at a mountain in low visibility. Tolerance says, choose your heading, doesn't matter, you do you. No correction, no warning, just autonomy. Harsh truth says, too bad, you're gonna crash, you're gonna die. Makes a good point, but offers no help. Cheap mercy says, Inshallah, you're fine, don't worry about it. Comforting, but ultimately deadly. Meanwhile, Christ like mercy says, You're off course. If you don't turn, you're going to hit a mountain. Turn to heading 180, and I'll guide you to safety. It identifies the danger, preserves agency, provides a way out, and stays with you through correction. That is mercy that can save. Where is this most difficult? In family situations, if you or someone you love is making choices contrary to the gospel, tolerance tells you to say nothing. Harsh truth tells you to tell them they're screwing up. That damages relationships. Mercy tells you to stay close, show an example, and invite change, but always show Christ-like love and allow them to make their own choices, but allow them to know you're there. Elder Neil A. Maxwell described this tension saying, we must not only be kind, we must be kind in the right ways. Mercy says, I will never withdraw love, but I will not pretend darkness is light. Families have been destroyed by this type of tension. Current cultural pushes have increasingly wanted us not just to tolerate, but to celebrate and affirm everything anyone thinks. And they've pushed it on children and impressionable young adults to celebrate and affirm everything that goes against gospel standards. Elder Delan H. Oaks clarified that we must stand for truth even when it is unpopular. The line in the sand is this respect people always, endorse behavior selectively, and never compromise on revealed truth. Too often, we are weak in that we apply tolerance to ourselves and harsh truth towards others. Real discipleship flips the script and is mercifully patient with others and honestly accountable with oneself. The reason is because growth requires self-introspection, self-confrontation, confrontation, and not self-deception. That's one reason the gospel teaches us to make covenants. We make covenants at baptism, we make covenants in the temple, we make when we take the sacrament. A covenant is a two-way promise that we make with God. When you make a covenant, you're no longer just tolerating life. You are committing to Him that you are committed to transformation. Mercy becomes more powerful in your life because you've given God permission to correct you. That is why chastening is a form of mercy. Let me say that again for the parents. That is why chastening is a form of mercy. So once again, what is Christ-like love that we need in order to accurately show mercy? It's charity, the pure love of Christ. It is not blind acceptance and it is not bold correction. It is loving someone enough to tell the truth in a loving way and staying long enough to help them live it. After all this talk about mercy and tolerance and all this gobbledygook, the real question becomes about spiritual discernment. You know, I started saying we need to have the spirit with us to know truth from lie. The real question isn't the difference between mercy and tolerance, it is how does a disciple know in the moment what Christ would do and have the courage to do it. At the highest level, discernment of the spirit is most important. Mercy is not a fixed response, it is a spirit-directed response. Two people can face the exact same situation, and Christ may require different actions from each of them. Why? Because he doesn't just manage behavior, he knows your and my hearts, and he is saving souls individually. See, Moroni teaches, by the power of the Holy Ghost you may know the truth of all things. That's Moroni 10. That includes knowing when to speak, when to stay silent, when to correct, when to simply love, etc. President Russell M. Nelson emphasized, and I've said this multiple times this year, in coming days it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost. This is why rigid, rule-based approaches fail. This is why rigid families fracture. Because mercy requires real-time revelation to know how to handle each situation. Now you can't talk about mercy without talking about justice. Most people miss this. Mercy does not override justice, it operates through the law, not around it. Alma 42 tells us justice demands consequences. Mercy provides a way to satisfy justice through Jesus Christ. This means you cannot truly be merciful if you deny reality, truth, or consequences. That's not mercy. That's just distortion of the facts. Mercy cannot rob justice. So when you excuse sin, redefine commandments to suit your desires, and remove accountability, you're not being Christ-like, you're undermining the very system that makes mercy possible. Is this easy? Hell no. The natural man is an enemy to God and wants comfort, wants peace, wants to avoid tension and stress. It's easier to stay silent and be liked than to face truth. The natural man also wants control. It's attempting to correct harshly, prove we're right, and force outcomes. That pulls us towards unmerciful truth. I'll tell you what, it's not easy to get out of this one. The military man in me leans toward unmerciful truth more often than I'd like to admit. Especially when I know I'm right. Which I am. I know you don't have sins and problems like that, but I do. It is a weakness on my part that I am working on and will probably be working on my whole life. The natural man wanting control and the natural man wanting comfort are really just self-centered. They're self-centered ideas. Most of what drives us humans tends to be self-centered. One avoids discomfort and the other seeks dominance. Neither are Christ-like. Christ-like mercy, on the other hand, which is what we all want to develop along with Christ-like love, requires three powers. First, spiritual sight. Christ saw Peter as a rock, Paul as an apostle, and sinners as future saints. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland often taught that Christ sees us not only as we are, but as we may become. Without that vision, you will either dismiss people or you'll indulge them. Second, we need spiritual charity. We need to feel as Christ feels. Charity is what allows you to tell hard truths without wounding unnecessarily. Stay when it's inconvenient and love when it's not reciprocated. This isn't surface kindness, it's deep covenant loyalty to someone's eternal welfare. Third, spiritual courage. Act as Christ acted. This is where most of us have problems and hesitate because sometimes mercy requires saying something unpopular, holding a boundary, or refusing to affirm something the world demands you that you affirm. Sorry, I'm not using preferred pronouns. I won't affirm your delusions. Courage is what keeps mercy from collapsing into tolerance. Elder Neele Maxwell said discipleship requires real bravery. Now we're getting deep, and this is where I like to get. I like to get deeper. The meat and potatoes of this stuff. What are you becoming? God isn't just asking you to act mercifully towards others. He's not asking you to put on a facade. He's trying to make you merciful. Why? Me too. He's trying to make me too. Because it says in Matthew 5 7, Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Mercy is not something, not just something that you give. It's something that you need to become capable of receiving. It's kind of a paradox, but the more you understand justice, the more you recognize your own need for mercy, and the less you want to condemn others. As we become better disciples of Christ, we start asking ourselves: Am I willing to love someone enough to risk being misunderstood? Because Christ was constantly misunderstood. Some thought he was too forgiving, some thought he was too strict. When you learn to act as he acts and live as he lives, you will not always be seen as nice. Especially when balancing mercy and truth. Finally, we're getting to the deepest layer. The Savior customized mercy based upon the individual. He didn't apply mercy in a single uniform way. He applied it perfectly, personally, and purposefully, according to the needs of the individual. Same gospel, same truth, but individualized to the soul in front of him that could obtain the maximum benefit. Let's look at a couple of case studies. The first is very interesting because I've heard of at least one person that used the story as an excuse to leave the church, leave the faith. They asked, why would Gaman why would God demand Nephi kill Laban? Nephi is commanded to go to Jerusalem and obtain the plates of brass, which basically was contained the Old Testament from Laban. Laban was not a nice guy, he was a pretty terrible guy. In the process, Nephi is commanded and guided to slay Laban. This was Christ's approach to Nephi. There was no softening of the command, no removal of the burden. Nephi was a young, young man. There was, however, a full explanation of the consequences if he didn't do it. In 1 Nephi 4 13, we read, It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle in unbelief. Why was this approach used on Nephi? Well, because frankly, Nephi had a soft heart and was obedient, but he needed strength and clarity, not comfort. Mercy here looked like empowerment to do hard things and revelation aligned with eternal law. Another story, another example, is the story of Alma the younger. His father was the prophet and leader of the entire people. But he and his friends were going around and actively trying to destroy the church. So what did Christ do? He sent an angel to intervene, which caused Alma to physically collapse and opened himself up to deep spiritual anguish. He was racked with eternal torment, eternal torment because the angel told him point blank, if you want to destroy yourself, fine, do it. But stop trying to destroy the destroy the Lord's church. This approach was what Alma the Younger needed because he wasn't lost. He was rebellious and he needed a dramatic intervention. Mercy here looked like shock, consequences, and forced stillness. He was still for three days, which led to reflection. It wasn't harshness, it was rescue at maximum intensity. He later became the prophet after his father died. Christ gives people not what is easiest but what will save them. He looks at their heart and knows what will work for them. Sometimes that means mercy feels like comfort. Other times it feels like disruption or destruction. Sometimes it feels like feels like silence, and sometimes it feels like being let go. How can you use this to interact with others? You can start asking, what does this person need right now for their salvation? That requires you to be in alignment and able to discern heavenly revelation, as it often requires humility. One misapplication could be if you used Nephi style boldness on fragile people, you'd break their trust. Or if you used alma level intensity without authority, you could damage your relationships. Mercy is not just kindness, it is calibrated intervention. It perfectly measures truth, timing, agency, and eternal consequences. Christ never asked what response will make me look loving. And then he acted revelation and action paired together. Not just be nicer or more bold, but to become someone the Lord can trust to respond exactly as he would. That means you don't over-correct, undercorrect, don't react emotionally, and don't avoid out of fear. You become precise. Elder David A. Bednar has taught that disciples must become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon. At this level, you are receiving inspiration and executing on revelation. Since I always like to give you ways that you can work on this aspect in your life, here are five ways you can improve your capacity to receive revelation in any given situation. First, alignment. Live worthy of revelation. You cannot consistently discern truth for others if your own life is out of alignment. The method to improve this includes daily prayer that is real, not just routine, scripture study that seeks transformation, not just information, and honoring of your covenants. President Nelson stated nothing opens to heavens quite like the combination of increased purity, exact obedience, and earnest seeking. Separation. Learning the difference between your voice and the voice of the Spirit. This is one of the hardest skills to master. You must learn to distinguish between your fear, preferences, irritation, and the spirit's promptings. Elder Oakes taught that personal revelation comes line by line, precept on precept, and must be discerned carefully. Key truths to help discern. The spirit is calm, precise, non-reactive, and focused on eternal outcomes while your mind is urgent, emotional, defensive, and wants to control outcomes. Number three, timing. Restraining the urge to act too early or too late. Most mistakes in applying mercy happen because of poor timing. For example, speaking truth too early closes hearts. Waiting too long, damage can set in. Christ was never rushed. He let people walk with him, asked questions, and waited for openings. Discernment is knowing when not to act yet. Number four, delivery. Speaking truth without losing the spirit. Even when you know what to say, how to say it determines whether it is heard. My kids will often tell you that I would get on to them about tone of voice. Tone of voice. My daughter hated it when I caught would use that phrase. Tone of voice. Because the tone of voice used affected the way their mom or I responded. It worked vice versa as well. If I could tell me or my wife's tone of voice didn't match our message, good luck getting our kids to listen. DNC 121 teaches us to reprove betimes with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love. This pattern shows that sharpness should not be self-initiated only when moved upon. We should be clear and we should follow up with love, not withdrawal of love. 5. Finally, refinement. Learning through failure, not avoiding it. The reality is that we will all continue to screw up and not get this right. We're human. You're human, I'm human, we're all human. We're gonna screw up, we're gonna make mistakes. The key is once we make a mistake, we learn from it. Instead of justifying mistakes, retreating into silence, or becoming rigid, a problem I had when kids were teenagers, we should reflect, repent, and recalibrate. That is how spiritual precision is developed. My final thoughts on this matter are these. One day, if you stay on this path, you won't just practice mercy, you'll be merciful, and people will feel in your presence something unmistakable. You'll feel safe, but not affirmed in error, loved and invited to grow, and seen, but not excused in their sin. And without you even announcing it, they will begin to change. That's the way this works, friends. When you apply these principles into your life and desire to change, you will. If you like what you're hearing, share it with your friends. Give a review, five stars preferred, and help me break through Big Tech's algorithm to reach others and help others that are struggling to get off the fence and build their spiritual muscles. As always, have a blessed day.