The Cost Of Not Listening - Leadership Mistakes Part 1

One stubborn moment can undo years of trust, and Rehoboam proves it. He inherits the greatest advantages imaginable as Solomon’s son, yet he manages to fracture Israel because he won’t listen. We unpack how that kind of leadership failure doesn’t stay in ancient scripture; it shows up today in homes, marriages, friendships, church leadership, and even the way we govern our own emotions. 

We start with a simple leadership request from the people: lighten our burdens and we will serve. Then we follow Rehoboam through a choice that feels familiar: he seeks counsel, but he only accepts the advice that feeds his ego. From there, we dig into servant leadership and spiritual leadership, why pride often disguises itself as confidence, and how selective listening can quietly sabotage your influence. If you’ve ever felt the urge to prove you’re “in charge,” this conversation gives language for what’s happening under the surface. 

From Christ’s teachings on greatness to His personal example of serving, we look at what real strength looks like: humility, meekness, charity, wisdom, and staying teachable through revelation. We also contrast Rehoboam with King Benjamin, who earns trust through labor and service and teaches that serving others is serving God. You’ll leave with a set of questions to pray through before major decisions and a clear challenge for the week: stop trying to control one “kingdom” in your life and start looking for a way to lift it. 

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Transcript

Why Listening Comes First

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Okay though, in my last episode, I kind of skipped to the end without going into the details of the beginning. I started telling a little about a little bit about Rohaboam. Rohabom, however you say his name, and I didn't tell who he was, what went on. I just expected you to know it. My bad. I'm gonna fix that today. Before I do that though, I want to talk a little bit about listening. Listening to the spirit, listening to those around you, listening to advisors, listening to mentors, listening especially to the spirit. Because I've been I've had it enforced, not enforced, that's not the best word. I've had it reinforced in my soul over the last week. How important it is and how joyous it is to listen to the spirit and act on the things that we're told. You know, I've been involved in a very interesting group that that discusses faith, family, fitness, and finance. And I'm leveling up, I'm working to level up myself, and we all want to do that, right? We're all trying to get better. With that in mind, we're gonna talk about leadership today. And I'm gonna actually go over in a lot more detail over the next couple episodes what happened with Roeboam. Who is King King Benjamin? What did he do? Why was he so important? And we're gonna talk about leadership, spiritual leadership. You see, leadership isn't about demanding more from people. I talked about servant leadership last time, right? It's becoming someone worth following, a servant leader. Even if the only person that you're leading today is yourself or your family. That's why it's so important.

The Setup For A Leadership Collapse

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Welcome to Todd Talks. We're diving into one of the greatest leadership failures ever recorded in history. In scripture. There have been great leadership failures. This one was in scripture. I hope you get a lot out of tonight. Today, it's tonight when I'm recording it. As it were, welcome back. Happy to have you. This is Todd Talk, Spirit by Design, where I help you design your spiritual life so that you are prepared and ready for the Lord's second coming when he arrives. The leadership failure that we're talking about today didn't happen because of military defeat. There's lots of leadership failures in those in history. Not talking about that. We're not talking about that. It wasn't because God lacked power, because he's all powerful. And that's not the problem. An entire kingdom fractured because one young king refused to listen. And his name, as we've already mentioned about 15 times, was Rehoboam, the son of the wisest king who ever lived, King Solomon. Imagine growing up in King Solomon's household. Your dad, along with his seven hundred wives and concubines, and all the kids that ran around, was the wisest man gifted by God on earth. The greatest kingdom on earth. You had every possible advantage. Unlimited resources, the best education, a father that was super smart, and within days of becoming king, you manage to fracture your entire kingdom and lose ten of the twelve tribes of Israel. There you go. That's a pretty big failure. One conversation changed history. Most of us, we make the same mistake. Not with kingdoms, but with marriages, families, careers, friendships, church callings, and even our own spiritual lives. Today we're gonna talk, we're gonna explore why Rehoboam failed, what Christ would have done differently, and what Christ-like attributes save relationships, and how becoming a servant leader begins with leading who? Yourself. See, every leader eventually faces this question.

A Simple Request From The People

SPEAKER_00 6:19

When King Solomon died, all of Israel gathered to crown Rehaboam. People came with a request. They didn't want rebellion, they didn't come with a threat, just a plea. They asked him, or they said, in 1 Kings 12 4, Your father made our yoke grievous. Make thou the grievous service of thy father lighter, and we will serve thee. So basically they were saying, lighten our burdens. Your father taxed us a lot. I'm guessing it was a bit expensive to feed and house his 700 wives and concubines. Notice the people's promise, though. If you lighten our burdens, if you make things easier, we'll gladly follow you. They weren't asking for luxury, they weren't, they wanted compassion. Every leader eventually hears this question. Sometimes it sounds like I need you to listen, I need more encouragement, I need more patience, I need understanding. If you're a parent, a spouse, a bishop, a manager, it doesn't matter. If you're simply trying to govern your own emotions, if you're running a business, people respond to leaders who care more about lifting than controlling.

Two Counselors And One Bad Choice

SPEAKER_00 7:53

So Rohaboam asked for advice. And what did he do? He only listened to the advice that he liked. You're not you've never done that, right? I've never done that. Oh no, maybe I have. Sometimes we don't like the advice that we receive. Doesn't mean it's not right. That's where listening to the Spirit becomes really important. So scripture records something fascinating. Rehaboam actually sought counsel. He met with the older advisors who had served King Solomon. And their counsel was simple. If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day and answer them, then they will be thy servants forever. Easy, remarkable advice, isn't it? It's a paradox, though. They told him, serve them, serve first, lead second, lift them, influence follows. And the elders understood this principle, the elder advisors. They understood that if you serve others and lead from a service perspective, you lift others, they're willing to follow you to the gates of hell. They will. People willingly follow leaders who genuinely care about them. But then Rehabam saw another option. He didn't like that option. So he asked his young friends, those who had grown up with privilege, they advised him show strength, demand respect, increase the burden. My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins. In today's language, don't let anyone think you're weak. Double down, show them who's boss. Sadly, Robohm preferred the advice of his fickle friends, and that fed his pride over the advice that required humility. The result? Civil war, divided kingdom, generations of conflict, and a lot of dead people.

Pride Sounds Strong Then Breaks Trust

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Pride usually sounds strong, but it produces weakness. Pride, the seventh, one of the deadly sins, often disguises itself as cons as confidence. It whispers, if you apologize, people will think you're weak. If you forgive, they'll take advantage of you. If you serve, people will walk all over you. Who teaches the exact opposite? Give you a hint. Starts with Jesus, ends with Christ. Is that the easy enough hint for you? The Savior completely redefined greatness. He taught, Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister, and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant. Matthew 20, 25 to 28. Then Jesus gave the ultimate example. Now, you may not remember, you may not understand when you read the scriptures. But they wore sandals back then, and they didn't have nice roads like we do. Maybe they had cobblestones if they were lucky, but most of the roads were dirt and mud, and those feet were nasty. That's why it was the lowest of the servants that normally washed people's feet when they went into homes. He touched lepers, he blessed children, he fed multitudes, he forgave his enemies. He carried his own cross. If anyone had the right to demand service, it was Jesus. Instead, he bore the sins of all mankind. He chose to serve. He helped those who could not help themselves. President Thomas S. Monson often taught, never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. How many kingdoms, homes, friendships, marriages, church organizations could be saved by living that one sentence? I've known too many of my friends from high school that left the church because leaders saw them not as people, only as sins and pushed them away.

King Benjamin’s Servant Leadership Model

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Now King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon is the exact opposite of Rehboam. He gives the greatest contrast ever. Rehboam inherited a kingdom. King Benjamin earned one. Benjamin declared, I have not commanded you to come that ye should fear me, but I myself have labored with mine own hands to serve thee. Later he explained why. He said, When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, you are only in the service of your God. It's in Mosiah 2.17. Notice the difference. Roboam believed leadership meant people serving him. King Benjamin knew leadership meant serving the people. One kingdom split, and the other experienced peace unlike any other period, almost any other period in Book of Mormon history. Leadership isn't measured by how many people serve you. It's how many people would choose to follow you. It's measured by how many people become stronger because of you. How many people you've lifted up. The greatest leader that you will ever lead is yourself. It's easy to criticize Rahaboam. He was a spoiled brat, apparently. And all his friends were spoiled brats. They had been given every kind of luxury known to man. So it's easy to criticize him. His greatest failure wasn't political, it was personal. He couldn't govern his own pride. He never learned how to master his ego. He couldn't control his need to appear powerful. How many people do you know that suffer from that today? It's where leadership always begins. Not in boardrooms, not in pulpits, not in government, inside your own part. You have to learn to control them. President Ezartaf Benson taught that pride is the universal sin. Pride cometh before the fall, right? Pride blinds us, it prevents correction, it resists counsel. It values appearance over truth. Rehoboam lost Israel long before Israel left him. He lost it inside of himself.

Christlike Traits That Save Relationships

SPEAKER_00 16:03

So what does it take to be a Christ-like leader? It takes humility. Humility asks, what if I'm wrong? Humility asks others for advice. A humble person grows faster because correction doesn't offend them. Meekness. Meekness isn't weakness. It is strength under control. Christ possessed all power. He was strong body and in spirit. Yet he exercised perfect restraint. Rehoboam confused imitation with intimidation with strength. Jesus demonstrated that love is stronger than force. Charity. Charity asks, how can I lighten someone else's burden? Instead of, how can I protect my status? Moroni teaches that charity is the pure love of Christ. We've talked about that in the previous episode. That kind of love changes every relationship. You know, I've got a good friend here named Devin that he to me is a perfect example of Christ-like love. He loves everybody. And he shows it in his words and his actions, the way he talks to people, the way he treats others. It's no wonder that the Lord blesses him. Wisdom. Wisdom isn't collecting opinions. Wisdom is discerning which counsel comes from God. Listening to the Spirit. The Spirit will always confirm truth. Ruhboam rejected experienced servants in favor of inexperienced peers that were spoiled rotten. That happens today, you know, it still happens. Whenever we seek advice that validates us instead of challenges us. Teachability, oh, I've talked about teachability. My buddy that got to be a 1,500-hour co-pilot. If you're not teachable, you're not going to progress. Remain teachable. President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly invited disciples to keep learning by revelation and to hear him, hear Christ. He's always wanting to teach us more. Teachable people continue progressing throughout life. Good pilots make constant corrections when we see these weaknesses in ourselves. Good disciples do the same thing. Repentance isn't proof you've failed. It's proof you're still flying towards Christ.

Questions To Check Your Motives

SPEAKER_00 19:04

So every leader should ask these questions before every important decision. Ask, am I trying to be right or trying to bless others? Am I listening to wise counsel? Have I sincerely prayed about this? We have told our kids over and over and over and over again, pray about it. Ask the Lord what he wants you to do. Then make a decision. Act on it. He'll let you know if it was the right answer. Is pride influencing my decision? Would Jesus respond this way? Am I increasing burdens or am I helping to carry them? I like the previous one. What would Jesus do? Heard that somewhere before. Maybe on a bracelet? If everyone followed my example today, what kind of world would exist tomorrow? Captain Moroni. My favorite, favorite person in the Book of Mormon. If every man were and would be like Captain Moroni, the very gates of hell would be closed. You see, he was a servant leader. I'll tell more about him. I'll do an entire episode on him because he's my favorite. So these questions can save kingdoms, whatever kind of kingdom you are leading. Your personal kingdom is not made of cities, it's not made of. Well, maybe you are a king. Maybe the one person listening to this that is a king. But for the rest of us that don't have that are not kings, your kingdom is made of your marriage, your children, your co-workers, your ward, your friends, your influence online, your own thoughts. Every day you decide what kind of ruler you'll become. Will people feel heavier after interacting with you or lighter? Will your thoughts condemn you or encourage repentance? Will your leadership inspire fear or faith? Jesus never led with manipulation. Never with ego, never with intimidation. He led through sacrifice, through compassion, through service, through perfect love. The irony is beauty. Rehaboam feared losing authority if he became a servant. Jesus gained eternal authority because he became the perfect servant. That's heaven's pattern. Those who kneel to serve eventually stand with power. Those who demand power often lose both. They'll lose influence and peace. So this week, here's your challenge. Identify one kingdom that you've been trying to control. Instead of asking, how can I get people to do what I want? Ask, how can I better serve? If the kingdom you need to lead is your own heart, begin there. Pray for humility, seek wise counsel, repent quickly, listen before speaking, serve before leading. Because the strongest leaders are first the strongest disciples. And discipleship becomes begins by becoming more like Christ.

Weekly Challenge And Closing

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Thank you for joining me today on Todd Talk, Spirit by Design. I will be continuing this leadership discussion in the next episode as we as we talk about leadership mistakes and how to keep your own life from falling apart. That'll be the next episode. Until then, this has been Todd Talks. Thank you for listening. Leave a five-star review, share it with a friend so that we can get more people out there to improve their spiritual life, become better servant leaders, and as always, have a blessed day.